Mad Love Series, Part VI: Watch Me Burn
by KELZTASTiC
Summary: The Joker and Harley start their new life in Italy, but as always, nothing is ever as it seems. The looming birth of their child and a personal situation that hits close to home rocks their world and causes their lives to change forever. Continuation from Light this Fuse.
1. Watch Me Burn

**Mad Love Series, Part VI: Watch Me Burn**

I lost you somewhere along the way

I don't know or where, but you're gone

Maybe you were never mine to begin with

But you used and abused me and now I'm alone

You changed my world, changed me for the better

But I guess I was mistaken, you never really loved me at all

That fire that once stoked our love has burned out

And you're going to do nothing at all to save me

No you never really cared

You're going to watch me burn

And see me lose all control

Believe me when I say

Go fuck yourself and I'll just walk away

I'll let you go someday but that day isn't today

Break my heart and stomp on it all you want

But I'm never going to let you in again

You never knew my heart and I guess I never knew yours

Because all you've ever done is hurt me

Without even knowing it, you've broken me down

But you'll never see that

You will move on with your life and I'll move on with mine

You'll experience joy and I'll experience pain

Nothing I can do will ever bring you back

Nothing at all

And that's what hurts the most

I can scream, I can beg, but you'll never come back

And I'm not going to want you to

Maybe someday I'll see you again

Maybe someday I'll feel alright

I think that you'll come crawling back

And then, oh and then

I can just watch you burn.

Chapter 1: Watch Me Burn

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_

"_Love the Way You Lie", Eminem feat. Rihanna _

I'm not sure what I thought in that split second, what I thought I was going to do, but I stood up without even thinking and starting stalking towards their table. I didn't even hear the Joker behind me, urging me to stop. I was a woman on a mission, driven by my unrelenting fury.

Selina saw me first. Her eyes widened and her mouth went slack-jawed. I could she was trying to think of something to say before I could cuss those bitches out. Bruce, seeing Selina's shock, turned to see what was going on, and he had the exact same reaction. I mean, maybe they were more shocked by my huge belly but I'm going to keep thinking it was because I had the look of Satan on my face.

I stopped in front of the table, putting on the sweetest yet most menacing smile I could muster, "Bon giorno, you worthless pieces of shit."

Nailed it.

"Harley, what the hell are you doing in Venice?" Bruce made the first attempt.

I was prepared for that with a snide retort, "I could ask you the very same."

I felt the Joker's touch on my arm, and I tried to shove him away.

"Harley, the baby…" he said quietly.

"The baby is going to find out sooner or later who its enemies are." I said, not taking my eyes away from Selina or Bruce.

Bruce looked taken aback, "Is that…?"

"Yes, he is. He's so damn attractive, huh? We're going to have a real adorable family, just like you three. I'm so glad to see Edward reunited with his dear daddy." I think that my voice was so full of venom it could have passed for a snake. I know, I know, it's not my strongest metaphor, just go with it.

"Please don't do this here." Selina pleaded, "I really don't want the attention of these people…"

"Where else would you like me to do this?" I snapped, "I think the two of you are going to have to shut the fuck up before I lose my goddamn mind. How could you do this to Pam? How DARE you do this to Pam!"

"Harley, if you'd let us explain…" Selina interjected.

"No!" I snapped, "You don't get to explain anything. I knew it. I knew it when I saw you a few months ago that this was going to happen! I saw that look on your face when we talked about Bruce and I knew that you were going to do this!"

"Yeah, it was really nice of you to tell me about how you saw them in Wyoming…" Bruce muttered.

"I'm not talking to you." I said, holding my finger up, not even looking him the eye, "You don't even want to get me started, bro."

"Bro?" I think that part left him more stunned than anything else I was saying. Hey, I can be street if I want to…yes, by saying that, I negate that I am 'street'. Shut up. I also need to kick this problem of talking to no one. I'm a strange cookie.

The Joker pulled my arm, "People are staring, babe."

"I don't care!" I shoved his arm away, "I'm not leaving until I get an explanation!"

"You are rather pregnant, Harley." Selina pointed out.

"UM YEAH I THINK I KNOW THAT." I gestured wildly toward my stomach, "What gave it away? My huge-ass stomach?!"

"Listen, Harley, we're all a little emotional and upset. How about we meet up another time and talk about this?" Bruce suggested.

"I think that's an excellent plan." The Joker nodded vehemently, steering me away from the table, "Let's go eat somewhere else."

I fought against him, "Get your hands off of me! I want to know right now!"

"You're getting too worked up to listen to reason." He stopped, and put his hands on my face, making me look directly into his eyes, "You need to stop freaking out. Stop it. We will get this resolved, but you are under too much stress to deal with this. Let's go somewhere else. Please."

I exhaled deeply, feeling my nerves calming, "Alright."

He looked relieved, "Thank you." He walked back over to the table where the two traitorous disgusting human beings were located and he said something to them. I saw Selina hand him a piece of paper and he walked back over to me, "Let's go, babe."

I took his arm and we left the restaurant, "What did she gave you?"

"The number for their hotel and room number so that we can meet up with them another day. They said they'll be here for another week or two."

"Dicks." I muttered.

"Harleen…"

I cringed. I hated when he used my full name, "Alright, I know I over-reacted a little bit."

"That's accurate."

I glared at him, "Let's just get some lunch. I'm fucking starving and it doesn't help that the fetus is kicking like a mother right now."

"It is?!" he touched my stomach, "Oh, I feel you, little person!"

"Ugh you're going to make me puke up my breakfast." I shooed his hands away, "I want some god damn pasta or I will straight up punch someone in the face."

"Ok, ok," Mr. J and I walked a couple blocks to another local place that we'd been to a couple times and we sat down within a few minutes. He ordered a glass of cabernet sauvignon and I ordered some water and we put in our food order with the waiter.

Once he had scuttled away, I said, "I just still can't believe this. First of all, they run away from everything they've established, Bruce with his company and being Batman and all that shit, and two, Selina totally abandoned Pam and took their baby away. Pam was so happy being a mother. You don't even understand, babe…like, I literally want to cry thinking about how she feels right now. It makes me just so upset, thinking about my best friend suffering like that."

"Pam is a strong person." He interjected.

"Yes, of course she is, but that's not the point. I know her better than anyone else in the world, and she's gotta be devastated. I mean, she may have loved Selina, but she adored Edward and wanted to be his mother. I know that she was always a little skeptical about the whole thing, but how could Selina just leave her flat? I should have known when I visited them. I should have known." I shook my head, "I was just so wrapped up in myself and my own problems and didn't even think about Pam. I'm a terrible, terrible friend."

He put his hand on mine, "You know that is the furthest thing from the truth."

"No, it isn't, really. I went there to tell Pam that I was keeping the baby and she was so happy for me that she disregarded what happened between me and Selina that weekend. I hope I wasn't the catalyst for all of this. I would feel so incredibly guilty if that was the case."

"I'm sure you didn't cause any of this. Harley, this whole relationship was doomed from the start. Selina isn't a lesbian and she isn't in love with Pam, clearly. She was always in love with Bruce and obviously he was always in love with her in some way, otherwise she wouldn't have kept that baby. You know that deep down. I know you don't want to think about Bruce cheating on you with her, but at the same time, you still had feelings for me while you were with Bruce."

"I don't deny any of that." I retorted, "I never said that I didn't have feelings for you. I mean, the feelings were very complicated, but nonetheless they were still there. I think I was blinded by Bruce betraying me like that with someone that my friend trusted so much. I always thought Pam was stupid for trusting Selina because obviously she's a huge whore."

"That's your anger talking." He said calmly as the waiter brought our food; his dish an eggplant parmesan and mine a dish of fettuccini alfredo, my favorite.

"I hate when you're right." I said irritably.

"Are you feeling any better now that you've talked about this?" he asked.

"Yeah, a little actually," I admitted, "I think I'll feel better once I sit down with Bruce and Selina and find out why they did this. I know that they must really love each other to run away like this and I'm sure there had to be no other way, but I just don't understand how they are dealing with hurting Pam so profoundly. When we get home, I need to call her."

"Of course," he said reassuringly, "I'm sure she wants to hear from you."

"We're going to have to go back to the US, of course." I said, digging into my pasta.

Mr. J looked up, "Um…no, we're not."

"Well, yeah, we have to check on Pam."

"You can do that on the phone, babe. Plus, you can't even fly right now. You're in your third trimester. Once you have the baby and recover, we can discuss it. For now, you're just going to have to talk to her on the phone or on Skype or whatever and try to make her feel better about the situation. I mean, for all you know, she might have taken a vacation herself to escape from her troubles."

"I hope so." I moped, staring down at my food.

As we walked home from the restaurant, I felt a stab in my heart thinking about the situation. I wanted to talk to her so badly, to figure out what happened. I guess my premonition about someone being unhappy was right; I just hoped it wouldn't be Pam caught up in it. I touched my stomach instinctively, thinking about my own happiness and how it always seemed to come at a cost for others. I didn't want to tell the Joker, but the sex of our baby wasn't that big of a secret. I had felt all along that I was having a girl, but I didn't want to tell him that yet and obviously I wasn't 100 percent sure, but it was an intuition I had and that I hoped was right. I wanted a baby girl more than anything. I guess we were just going to have to find out in a little more than a month.

We walked back into the house, putting our keys down on the table. I went to the phone immediately, and the Joker rolled his eyes, "I'll make myself scarce until you're done talking."

"That would be a good choice."

As he exited, I dialed Pam's cell number. It rang and rang and went to voicemail, and I launched into my little planned speech, "Hey, Pam, it's me. I wanted to tell you that I ran into Bruce and Selina today…so…you might want to call me back and tell me what the hell is going on. I love you and I hope you're ok. Bye."

I found Mr. J sitting in the living room, reading the newspaper. He looked up expectantly and I said, "She didn't answer."

"Well, I'm sure she'll call you back soon." He went back to his newspaper.

I collapsed onto the couch next to him, "I'm so worried about her."

"It's going to be just fine." He rubbed my shoulder, "We're going to figure this all out and everyone will turn out ok in the end."

I made an incoherent grumble and leaned my head back against the couch, "I'm going to take a nap, ok?"

"Take all the naps you want, mother of my unborn child."

"Ok, now I will seriously throw up." I stood up, "I'll be in the bedroom. Let me know if Pam calls."

"Will do."

I trudged up the stairs to the bedroom, laying on the bed and staring at the phone, trying to will it to ring. I looked at the clock. It was only 9 PM in the US. No reason for her not to answer. I thought about calling her again but then realized I would sound like such a psycho, and maybe she just wanted to be alone right now to deal with her issues.

Pam didn't call me the rest of the day, but the phone did ring around dinner time and it was Selina. I made the Joker talk to her because I was still too mad at them. He agreed that we would meet with them tomorrow at their hotel for coffee and talk about everything. I guess I was satisfied with that information, but I still wasn't happy about it by any means.

I just had a distinct feeling that all of this was far from over.


	2. Ash and Dust

**A/N: Guess who's back, back, back again, Kelsey's back back tell a friend. Anyway, I hope you read that in an Eminem voice. Also, I hope you read this chapter and review it because I love getting your opinions on how the story is progressing. I know that it's not very action-y yet, but I have high hopes for this part. I'm writing by the seat of my pants right now but that's how I come up with my best stuff. Until next time lovelies!  
**

Chapter 2: Ash and Dust

_I'm waking up to ash and dust_

_I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust_

_I'm breathing in the chemicals_

_I'm breaking in, I'm shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_

_This is it, the apocalypse_

"_Radioactive", Imagine Dragons _

I waited in the hotel lobby, anxiously tugging at my long pearl necklace I was wearing that day. The Joker had stayed at home because I didn't want Bruce and Selina thinking that they couldn't be honest with me because he was there. Plus, he just didn't even want to be there at all, which I don't blame him for. Every time the elevator doors would ding, I would jerk my head toward them and after about 10 times of this I was starting to get whiplash so I gave up. I got my fair share of weird looks from the tourists who were coming out of the elevators so I felt like such a dork.

Finally, I saw two familiar faces walking in my direction. I stood up, and saw Selina and Bruce, their arms linked together, Edward in Selina's arms. Selina was wearing a sleek black dress that showed off her curves and Bruce was in a sharp Armani suit, as was his usual choice. They looked like they just belonged there, like…almost like they belonged together, as strange as that sounds coming from me.

"I thought you guys were going to stand me up." I remarked.

"No, this was too important." Bruce said, "We didn't want you getting the wrong idea about all of this. I know it's a lot to take in, but we'll explain everything."

"Alright," I said skeptically.

"There's a little coffee place a few doors down from the hotel if that's ok." Selina suggested.

"Yeah, I'll just get a smoothie or something." I felt so incredibly awkward being around them, considering what had happened the day before.

We went to the coffee house, Il Café Amore – how fitting – and we ordered our drinks, making ourselves comfortable on the small armchairs. I smiled down at Edward, "He gets bigger and more handsome every time I see him."

"Just like his dad." Selina touched Bruce's arm gently.

Bruce put Edward on his knee, "You can't even imagine how amazing it is to be with him all the time."

"Yes, I guess it would be." I had to actively force a smile to my lips. No matter how much time had passed between us, it still hurt me to see him with that baby. I couldn't really figure out why, but it was still extremely painful.

"So, how is your pregnancy?" Selina inquired, "You look very healthy and surprisingly thin for almost 8 months."

"Well, thanks, but I eat like a disgusting slob." I rolled my eyes, "All this Italian food is so delicious I can't stop eating. And this thing is a tapeworm."

"Thing? You mean you don't know what the sex is yet?" she raised an eyebrow, "I found out as soon as I could! It must be killing you!"

"Honestly I have a gut feeling about what it is, but I would prefer it be a surprise to everyone. I'm fine otherwise. I just sleep more and try not to cry at everything because my hormones are so out of whack." I shrugged, "But, let's get to the point of the conversation."

"Right," Selina said hesitantly, "Bruce, would you care to start the conversation?"

"Not particularly, but I will." He sighed audibly, "See, here's the thing. Obviously, you know Selina and I had a relationship."

"You don't say?" I feigned shock.

"Ok, I don't need sarcastic comments, please." Bruce stared at me with a dead-pan expression, "You don't know how to listen."

"I'm here to listen."

"Alright," he cleared his throat, "And as you can see, this relationship resulted in my son. When Selina told me she got pregnant, I wanted to stay with her and raise my son with her. I didn't know if we would last or not, but I wanted to at least have a decent relationship with the woman who was having my child, you know? When I told her all of this, she bolted. She was having some kind of thing with Pam at the time and –"

"It was not a thing." Selina interjected, "I did care deeply about Pam, Harley. I was experimenting; I had always been a little curious about dating women, so we just kind of had a fuck buddy situation until I realized that Pam actually really had feelings for me. I thought about breaking it off, but Pam was so excited when I got pregnant and at that point I just had a lot of thinking to do. Bruce's situation was so much more complicated; he's a public figure and having an illegitimate child with a known jewel thief was not going to be pleasant as far as the media goes."

"Which I didn't care about, I would like to add." Bruce said.

"I know." Selina closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled, collecting her thoughts, "Pam was so good to me, and she really cared about me."

"She loved you." I corrected snidely.

Selina glared at me, "I'm well aware of that. I know I'm a terrible person, Harley, don't make me feel any worse, alright? I know how much Pam loved me and I betrayed her trust. I just thought I would be better off leaving Bruce and being with Pam, who would care for the baby like it was her own. So anyway after I told her I was pregnant and the whole baby-daddy dilemma, she suggested that we just get married and make it off like Bruce was just the sperm donor or something. I agreed to that idea. After I told Bruce that I was staying with Pam and that we had agreed to get married, he freaked out."

"I don't think I freaked out…"

"You freaked out." She said matter-of-factly, "So, out of all honesty, I married Pam because it was the easier choice. She didn't enter this marriage without knowing that a little bit, at least. If she didn't know that I wasn't in love with her, then I feel even worse."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing come out of her mouth. I felt like everything I had known about them was shattered. I mean, I never thought Selina was much in love with Pam as she was with her; I wasn't that naïve. Pam had even admitted that to me before in confidence, but I always thought she was being paranoid. I guess not.

When she saw that I was visibly rattled by the information, she added quickly, "I never meant to hurt Pam. You have to know that."

"Well, you did." I said curtly.

Selina and Bruce fell very silent.

I broke the tension, "I think you guys have a lot on your minds about it, I'm sure, and I don't want to add to how you feel. I just want you to really comprehend what you've done. You have probably devastated her. So, when did it come about that you were going to flee to Italy?"

"I'll answer that." Bruce jumped in, "After the whole incident at the docks – which I want to apologize for, by the way – I'd snapped. I'd lost all control of my morality at that point because I was just so desperate to know what had happened to Selina and my son. A few days after you and the Joker got out of my life, Selina showed up at my door with Edward in tow. I was completely shocked and relieved at the same time. We sat down and decided that it was time to stop pretending that we didn't love each other and there was really nothing keeping us in Gotham, so we thought that Italy sounded like a good idea. It had always been my intentions to retire to Italy."

"Guess we were on the same wavelength on that one." I said without any mirth. I remember Bruce talking about going to Italy before when we were still clinging to that desperate hope that we would make it through all of our issues (in retrospect, HA HA HA). I was never going to go with him. I know that now and I don't regret it for a second. It made me sick thinking about having his child…or was it because I was pregnant…I seriously don't know anymore.

"The J – I mean, he looks good." Selina smiled, "He looks really healthy and happy."

"Yeah, he really does. The move changed him. Not totally, but it changed him for the better, for sure. Plus, he's so excited about the baby. He will not shut up about it ever."

"So typical Harley to say that," Bruce laughed, "To be so nonchalant about having a baby."

"It's a pain in my ass. And a pain in my back, my neck, and whole body, really," I looked at Selina, "You should have warned me."

"It affects everyone differently!" Selina said defensively, "You know how miserable I was at the end of my pregnancy. I got evil."

"I'm already evil so I've got that covered. I just feel sick all the damn time. This damn thing is going to be the meanest teenager. I can already feel it." I pointed at my stomach and said, "You'd better at least get into Harvard or something!"

Selina laughed whole-heartedly and said, "I hope Edward and your boy or girl can go there together!"

I glanced over at Bruce who was sitting there with Edward, looking at me with a really strange glint in his eyes, almost like he was in pain too hearing me talk about my child. I don't know if he actually clung to the hope that I would be with him someday, but maybe I was just flattering myself. All I know is that he just looked so completely downtrodden. I couldn't tell if Selina noticed or not, but I saw it.

"No, he'll go to Princeton, just like his dad." I turned the attention to Bruce.

He smiled down at his son, "Well, he can do whatever he wants to do. I have all the money in the world to make that happen."

Edward gurgled happily and reached his arms toward Selina, who took him from Bruce, "He's probably hungry." She dug around in her black diaper bag and got a bottle, and Edward sucked at it, "Ah, see, I knew it."

"You're a much better mother than I would have guessed." I said, without intending to mean it that way.

She wasn't offended, though, "Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes. You just get used to it after a while, honestly. That's my advice. Be patient. You will figure out what to do as it comes along and try not to get frustrated if things aren't working the way you want them to."

"That's actually really good advice, thanks."

"I don't totally suck, hooray!" Selina said sarcastically, "But yeah, that's the best advice I could possibly give you about being a mother. It's really challenging at times, but you will love it. I promise. I mean, obviously I feel awful because Pam really wanted this child, too…she loved Edward so much and I'm sure me taking Edward was harder than me leaving her. I don't know what else to say other than that I feel like the worst person in the world, but I was never in love with her. I mean…like, I like men."

"I can see that." I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm glad she does." Bruce added.

"But doesn't it feel weird that she was with a girl?" I asked.

"I like to pretend that wasn't going on." He closed his eyes and shuddered a little, "We're going to eliminate that from the stories we tell Edward when he's growing up."

"We are?" Selina faced him, "That doesn't seem right."

"Um, I don't think we need to tell our child that you were a lesbian once."

"See I think that we should because then he will be more open to other lifestyles. What if Edward is gay? I think if we tell him when he's young, he won't feel so weird if that's the case." Selina stroked Edward's head, "He is my child too, you know."

"I guess that's something we'll figure out as we go along, like you said before." Bruce said through clenched teeth, "I don't want to talk about this in front of her."

"Harley already knows everything. Who gives a fuck?" Selina snapped.

"Um…should I leave?" I felt so uncomfortable at that moment.

"No." they said in unison.

"Ok, but I mean, I feel like I got some closure on the issue at hand, and I feel super awkward right now, so I think I should just go." I stood up, gathering my bags.

"Alright…" Selina said, standing up too. She handed Edward to Bruce, "Let me walk you out."

"Ok."

We walked out through the front door to the café and onto the street.

Selina leaned against the awning, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's fine. Me and Mr. J fight all the time. It's nothing to be ashamed of." I assured her.

"I just hope that you're not as angry with me as you were yesterday."

"I'm not." It was the truth. I was still upset for how Pam was feeling, but at least now I knew the reasoning behind everything and I wasn't going to argue with people who were in love and had a child together. It didn't make sense to do so, at least in my mind. I would hate to have to explain my relationship with the Joker to other people and have to justify it. I had to step back after really thinking about and put myself in their situation. Needless to say I was still pretty angry about the way they handled it, but the sentiment behind it was honest and I had to accept that at face value.

"Thank you." she said sincerely, and looked around her swiftly. She dug in her purse and pulled out a cigarette, "I'm going to smoke this, so you should probably go. I don't want your child to experience second-hand smoke in the womb."

"When did you start smoking again?" I knew she did before, but Pam made her quit when she was pregnant.

"After I got back with Bruce, to tell you the truth," she said softly, "I love him, but I'm stressed."

"I understand. You have a lot going on right now. You're allowed to have some vices, but I hope you just don't do that around Edward."

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, "I would never do that!"

"Then that's fine. I just hope you quit again soon because you know what that can do to you…"

"I do. Sometimes it's just worth the risk."

"Alright, well, I'm going home. How long are you guys staying here?"

"I don't know, maybe another week or so. Bruce has to get back to Wayne Enterprises." She said that last part with some derision.

"Well, if you want to get together again, let me know." I said politely.

"Will do," She embraced me, "Thank you for being so understanding. I was so worried."

"I appreciate you being worried, but I over-reacted too." I admitted.

"With good reason," Selina said firmly, "If you talk to Pam, can you tell her something for me?"

"It depends on what it is."

"Just tell her that I'm sorry for everything." Her eyes filled with tears, "I'm an awful human being and she needs to know that I think that."

"I will say that in a way that doesn't sound so self-deprecating."

She chuckled, "Alright, thanks."

"No problem."

"See you later then?" she asked as she pulled out her lighter.

"Yup, see you later." I then walked away, contemplating what had just transpired.

I glanced back at Selina, taking long, torturous drags on her cigarette, and felt a strange sort of relief wash over me. So they weren't happy at all. They put on this façade like they were, but at their core, they were not this perfect couple. Obviously no couple is, but at the restaurant they seemed just so disgustingly in love with each other. What I saw today indicated that there were some really deep-seated issues that they were going to have to sort out if they stayed together longer. I had to wonder if Selina just wasn't in love with Pam but her only choice was to go to back to Bruce for security's sake. I wouldn't totally blame her; Bruce had money flowing out of his ass, but at the same time that wasn't good for him either because he might actually she cares about him. I knew Selina was the most selfish person on earth but she liked to come off like she was selfless, and that is what irked me more than anything about the situation.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that I had almost walked past our house, and I dug out my key, unlocking the front door. The house was completely silent, which meant that the Joker had probably gone for his mid-morning run. I sat at the kitchen table, and noticed that he had left a note, scribbled quickly, 'Went for a run. Pam called. I told her you would call when you got back. Here's the number she left for you.'

I hastily went to the phone and dialed the number written on the note. The phone rang a couple times and finally a familiar voice picked up, "Hello?"

"Pam, goddamn it!" I nearly started crying, "Why didn't you pick up yesterday?!"

"Calm your tits, Harley." She laughed, "I was just out doing some retail therapy and trying to get my life together."

I sank into the chair, "I was so worried that you had like taken pills or something."

"It takes a lot more to break me down than those two ass-holes." Pam snorted derisively, "You underestimate my coping abilities."

"Well…are you ok? Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm doing alright. I can't say I've been particularly happy, but I'm ok. I'm still in Wyoming. I already bought the house; I'm not going to leave it. I like it out here enough for now. I've been getting some repairs done on it to distract myself. I bought some new bedroom furniture and they're delivering it in a few hours." She gabbed on about the house for a few minutes and I know that it was just a tactic to not talk about the issue, so I just let her ramble on.

Finally I couldn't really hold it in anymore and I said, "I saw them today."

"Who?"

"Bruce and Selina, you dumb-ass."

"Oh, well, that's interesting." She said, and I could hear her grinding her teeth, something she did when she was especially irritated, "How did that go?"

"They're unhappy." I replied, "They were trying to pretend that they were so overjoyed to be with each other, but they have serious problems, I think. Selina was smoking again."

"Ugh," she groaned, "That's awful. It took me a while to break her of that. She still did it when she was stressed, so she must be really stressed out if she's doing it again. She said she was going to quit for Edward's sake."

I noticed her voice break a little when she mentioned Edward, so I tried not to make her feel worse, "Well, I don't know what you wanted to hear, but that's what my observation was."

"Honestly, I don't know what I wanted to know about them. Sometimes I think I would be better off hearing they're doing badly, sometimes if I heard they're happy, I can't figure it out." Pam said, exhaling deeply, "Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do." I nodded in agreement, "On the one hand, hearing they're happy makes you happy for the other person, but hearing they're terrible means that you're probably happier in the long run. And you know you're better off anyway, Pam. You have to know that now."

"I think so." She said hesitantly, "It still hasn't totally sunk in. I feel like she's just on vacation or something. It just feels very…empty here." Her voice officially broke then, and I could hear her start to cry softly on the other end.

"Pam…"

"It's ok. I don't mean to get emotional like this. It just hurts. It hurts a lot. This is something that I never anticipated happening. I know that sounds extremely naïve, but I didn't believe it would. I should have known when you visited and we had that huge fight…she threatened to leave me. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to create a huge scene, but she told me that and I was shaken. I thought we had gotten over it, I thought we had gone back to normal. But then I wake up one morning and she's gone, Harley. SHE FUCKING LEFT ME."

I was just stunned and I didn't really know what to say. Pam was the strongest person I knew; my rock that was always there for me when I cried. Now that she needed me, I was just speechless. It broke my heart to hear her cry, to hear her suffer and not be able to comfort her in her time of need. I'd been there every single time before, but of course I couldn't be there when she was going through something that we never expected.

"I hope you never go through this. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. It's not only that, but it's that she took Edward with her, too. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. This is the part that hurts the most out of all the shit that she put me through; that I will never get to be Edward's mother and watch him grow up. I loved that child like he was mine, like I carried him myself. I don't know if I'll ever have that chance again."

"Pam, don't say that. You will find someone who will love you for real and want to take that step in life with you." I said reassuringly.

"Yeah, where am I going to find a woman that hot in Wyoming?!" she exclaimed.

"That's a fair point." I had to admit that. No offense to women in Wyoming at all, that's just her opinion…

She sighed, "I know that I'll have to move back to New York eventually. It was my home. I just made an investment that I have to take care of now, unfortunately. Obviously I don't want to meet anyone in the near future, but maybe in a year or so, once I figure everything out."

"That seems like a good idea."

"Enough about me. How are you? How's the fetus?"

I'm glad she was supportive of me calling it the fetus. Mr. J hated it.

"The fetus seems happy and healthy. It wants to eat everything. I'm enormous." I complained, "I can't wait to just give birth and have my body back and be in control."

She laughed, "You'll never get either of those things back."

"You're just a big bitch, you know that?"

"It's what I do best."

"I really miss you." I said, holding the phone against my ear as I rummaged through our cabinets for some snacks, "I hate that you're so far away."

"Yeah, me too, on both of the things you said. When you have the baby, you'd better come back and visit me so I can see him or her."

"Oh don't worry, as soon as I can fly I will fly and see you immediately." I said vehemently, "I love Italy but sometimes I miss the States. I need to come back to town anyway because my sister needs me for bridesmaid dress fittings in Omaha. She wanted to wait until I had the baby to get married so that I wasn't humongous for pictures, bless her selfish little heart."

Pam chuckled, "I can't believe your little sister is getting married."

"You've never even met her."

"Yeah, but it just seems strange that she would get married before –"

"Don't even say that." I interrupted her swiftly, "I plan on marrying him someday, just not right now. I always thought my sister would get married before me, anyway, to be honest. She's smarter, funnier, and more outgoing than I am. I never worried about her finding someone. This was just a very unorthodox way of meeting a guy, but it worked out in the end."

"Oh come on, Harley, you can't tell me that you never pictured getting married." I could imagine Pam rolling her eyes at me at that moment.

"Not that I never pictured it, just that I never thought I would find anyone who would be willing to marry me." I corrected.

"You're just being ridiculous. You have someone who loves you."

I smiled as the Joker came in, taking off his sunglasses as he walked into the kitchen. He walked over and kissed me on top of my head, and mouthed, 'Pam?'

I nodded, and he pointed toward the bathroom, which meant he was going to take a shower. I mouthed, 'ok' and went back to Pam, "He just came in actually."

"Oh, tell him I say hi." Pam said.

"PAM SAYS HI!" I yelled after him.

"HI PAM!" he yelled back.

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes, dear, I did." She said in a patronizing tone.

"Why don't you just come out to Italy?" I whined.

"Because I have money for that."

"I will buy you a plane ticket." I said desperately.

"Babe, I told you, I'm working on the house. When I get some of the major stuff done, I will come visit you, ok?"

"Fine," I pouted. I know that I am the paragon of maturity, no need to point it out.

"Well, I have to get off now. The movers will be here soon and I want to get some stuff out of the way so that they can bring in the furniture. I'll talk to you again in a couple of days." Pam said.

"Alright, well, if you need anything at all, please let me know. I'm here for you."

"You know I appreciate that. Love you, bestie." Pam said cheerfully.

"Love you, too. Bye."

"Bye." We hung up.

I felt calmer after I talked to her, but at the same time, a little concerned. She seemed ok, but Pam was a trooper. She wasn't going to let shit like this get in her way, but she sometimes was the type that would ignore problems until they were right in her face and she'd have to deal with them. I knew she'd be alright eventually, but it really sucked that I wasn't around to help her through this. I think maybe we were all just being naïve thinking that everything would stay the same forever. It never does. Believe me, it never, ever does.

I heard the shower stop running and the Joker came out, toweling off his hair, "How did today go?"

"Boy, you're going to have to sit down for this one. It's not even noon and I have so much that's happened to me today." I groaned.


	3. Never Forget Her Name

**A/N: Well, here we are. In a matter of minutes, their lives have changed. I don't even know how I got here sometimes. I think back to 4 and a half years ago when I started writing this fic, not even thinking it would be like 4 chapters in total, and like...wow. They are having a baby. It's like watching a movie sometimes; I don't know the ending and I can't even imagine how they're going to get there, but they are taking a step in the right direction. Writing is such an amazing, beautiful process; you never know where it is going to go, how the characters will develop. It makes me a little emotional to think about how much I have changed while I was writing this story and how it has inspired me to make life-altering decisions and deal with those changes. Please enjoy this.  
**

Chapter 3: Never Forget Her Name

_Looks like a girl but she's a flame_

_So bright she can burn your eyes_

_Better look the other way_

_You can try but you'll never forget her name_

_She's on top of the world_

"_Girl on Fire", Alicia Keys _

I can't say that the next couple of weeks flew by because I was waiting for the fetus to come out of me. I was getting aggravated. The doctor said my due date was going to be August 30th, and it was August 27th. I was so fucking fat I couldn't move (or at least I felt that way), and neither did I want to, considering the heat in Italy this time of year. The Joker kept asking me if I was ok and I kept telling him to fuck off. Surprising he stayed with me. I think I warned him enough in advance that I was going to be a raging bitch for the duration of my pregnancy and he must have heeded my words. Smart man.

Pam had been feeling better recently; we had been talking every day, without fail, mostly on my part of calling her and making sure she hadn't fallen into a pit of despair. She was surprisingly fine; she might have been downplaying for my benefit – which I did appreciate – but I wanted her to be honest with me and because I knew she might not have been, it aggravated me.

I was sitting in the living room watching some Italian soap opera that I had, by osmosis of me sitting on the couch all the time, become addicted to when my water broke.

Right. Fuck.

I stood up, not even knowing what to do. I stared down at the puddle on the couch and on the floor and felt sick to my stomach with anxiety. This was really happening. THIS WAS REALLY FREAKING HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

"Babe?" I called weakly.

He came into the living room with his coffee mug, and as soon as he saw what had transpired, he almost dropped it out of shock, "OH JESUS."

"Yeah, um…labor." I couldn't even form the words.

"I'll get the bag! I have to – I have to call the doctor and I have to get the bag!" he was panicking and basically running around in circles.

I merely stood there, not even knowing where to go from here. Then I felt the first hard contraction hit me in the gut and I doubled over, "Ugh!"

Mr. J ran down the stairs with my overnight bag and my flip-flops, "Ok, I've got everything. Are you alright?"

"UM HOW ABOUT NO BECAUSE I AM HAVING A BABY!" I snapped.

"No need to yell at me." He said soothingly, taking my arm, "I called a cab and we're going to go to the hospital now."

"Do I really have to?" I whined.

"Yes, yes, you have to dear."

"I'm not ready for this." I said, feeling suddenly the weight of the situation.

"You're going to have to be." He grabbed my arm and steered me to the door.

"I'm going to be sick."

"Be sick in the cab." He basically shoved my fat ass out the front door and into the cab that was waiting outside, "To Sacred Heart Hospital, _per favore_."

"Si, _signore_," he replied, and off we went.

"It's going to be ok, babe," he grabbed my hand, "We're going to meet our baby soon. Aren't you so excited?"

Yeah, I was super thrilled about pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. I had to be the woman who was least interested in the miracle of life.

"Yay." I said.

"Well, I know it's going to be painful, but at least pretend to be excited."

"Yay." I repeated with the same monotone.

He just rolled his eyes, "How far apart are your contractions?"

"About 8, 9 minutes," I replied.

"They're getting closer then. I imagine your labor shouldn't be too long." He mused.

"You don't even know my life, sir." I glared at him, "I'm going to throw something at you in about 5 seconds if you don't shut up."

"Hormones?"

"No, just being serious." I said, irritated.

"I'll say hormones."

"No you won't because this is me legitimately wanting to chuck a vase at you. I foresee a lot of me yelling 'how could you impregnate me' and 'fuck you' in your future." I folded my arms across my chest, and cringed at another contraction, "Who the fuck wants to voluntarily go through this? I'm now entirely sure that God is male and he had a really bad ex-girlfriend who he just wanted to wish pain on!"

The Joker just laughed and I punched him hard in the arm, "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP."

He just gave me a long-suffering look, "What a clearly healthy relationship we have, Harl."

"Is that a joke?" I stared at him, "Seriously? You really want to say that to me right now?"

"How about we just focus on having a baby?"

"Yes, that's probably a good choice."

…

We got to the hospital and they rushed me into a wheelchair. I've never felt so helpless in my entire life. I mean, I was literally so stubborn that I would have walked into a hospital room while my contractions are 5 minutes apart and just delivered without epidurals just because I could.

But that was not the case here.

They gave me the epidural and I felt a little better; it was still really uncomfortable. The nurse examined me and said to me, "Well, I think you have another half hour or so before you can start pushing. Your contractions are still about 5 minutes apart."

"Grazi," I said, trying to avoid sarcasm…but just barely.

The nurse left to grab the doctor so they could scrub up.

The Joker was holding my hand, "Harl, you're going to be fine."

"I hate you."

"Ok, dear."

"I want a fucking sandwich." I pouted.

"I don't think you can eat anymore before you give birth. I'll get you a sandwich soon."

In retrospect, God bless that man. But at the time…

"Get this watermelon out of me!" I yelled, clutching my stomach, "I WANT IT OUT."

"Seriously, get a grip." He said, "I'm here for you, ok?"

"This is all your fault!" I snapped, "You and your stupid tampering with my birth control! Now I have to have a baby! FUCK YOU!"

Mr. J looked up helplessly at the doctor, who merely patted him on the shoulder, "It is alright, signore. This happens all the time."

Dr. Ferretti looked at me, "Mrs. Quinn, I am going to ask you to push, alright? You're just going to have to listen to me. I know this will hurt, but it will be over soon."

Ugh, Mrs. I despised that word. Trying not to show any sign of weakness, I exhaled deeply and said, "Ok, I'm good."

I glanced over at Mr. J, who was looking a little green, "Dude, do not fail me now."

"As long as I don't look, I'll be fine."

"Seriously, you have –" I almost said 'shot people', but I stopped myself, "Well, you know what I mean. You've done that and you can't watch the woman you love have a baby?!"

"That's different." He said weakly.

"I'm going to straight up murder you." I muttered, and then yowled in pain, "DAMN IT!"

Dr. Ferretti was kneeling in front of me, a scrub nurse at his side, "Ok, we're going to start pushing. You can do this."

I pushed back my emotions, my sheer terror at the thought of this, the fact that this was actually happening and I just had to go with it.

"Push!" he exclaimed, and I went with it, exerting all the force and will I had in my body.

All of the moments were such a blur then, a blur of excruciating pain and crying and people yelling and coaching words in my ear; all I remember is at the end of it, the amazing sound of my baby wailing as I gave that final push, and fell back in exhaustion and relief.

Mr. J looked over at me, and for a fleeting moment I regretted him seeing me, a sweaty red mess, and at the same time, felt that pure joy that this was…real. I had a baby. Holy shit.

Then I saw that he was crying, tears free flowing from his eyes as he got up to hold our baby. The doctor handed the bundle over to him, smiling, "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Quinn, you have a healthy baby girl."

"I KNEW IT!" I said, and everyone just stared at me. I think they were just surprised that I had the energy. But, I was completely elated.

The Joker cut her umbilical cord, and then gingerly brought her over to me, swaddled in a pale green blanket, "So, you knew, hmm?"

"Yeah, I had a gut feeling." I grinned, and peered down at the baby in front of me. She had calmed down a little since her entrance into the world, and I saw now that she had a little dusting of pale blonde hair and her eyes were a distinct blue when she partially opened them to look curiously up at us. I held out my arms to hold her. He handed her to me, and put his arm around me.

"You are spectacular." He said softly.

"Eh, whatever." I shrugged, laughing, "Stop fucking crying."

He wiped at his eyes, "You're really going to make fun of me for that?"

"For the rest of your life, bub."

"I'll live with it." He leaned down and touched her head.

The doctor came over, interrupting our little intimate moment, "So, what's the name?"

I said without hesitation, "Olivia Maria Quinn."

Saying my mother's name out loud filled with me with a strange emotion; it was a mixture of grief for the fact that she would never see her granddaughter, and also a feeling of pride that my daughter would carry on her name. Either way, it was the right thing to do.

"That's very beautiful." The doctor smiled, "I'll go put it in the computer. A nurse will come get her in a couple of minutes to do some tests and then you two can get some rest."

"Alright," we said in unison. Then we were alone with her.

It felt so strange…yet so right, like we were just complete.

"You didn't even waste time asking me about that one." The Joker chuckled.

"I had it in my mind all along. I wanted to honor my mom. The irony here is that you caused her death, but we'll ignore that for now."

"Yeah, well…I created a life out of that loss, if that makes sense." He said, and I could just see how overwhelmed and just elated he was. I handed Olivia to him, "Here, spend some time with Daddy."

He turned away from me, sniffling.

"Oh for God's sake, are you crying again?"

"You have to be the most unemotional mother on earth."

"I am happy. You know that. Partly because I got the girl I hoped for, partly because I can finally be normal again, and mostly because this was something I could have never expected, but I am so beyond happy that I could experience it. But there will be no more." I said firmly, "I want to spoil this one rotten and ruin her, and that's the end of it."

"We'll see."

"Don't even bother thinking about it."

"Ok."

"I'm not convinced that I've convinced you." I said skeptically.

"That's because you haven't." he said matter-of-factly.

"We aren't having sex for years." I leaned back against the pillow, all of a sudden feeling the drowsiness setting in, "I'm going to rest."

He kissed the top of my head, "You do that. You deserve it."

He walked away, cradling Olivia so that she would fall asleep. Soon I heard no sounds at all; mostly because I was passed the fuck out. I woke up a few hours later and saw the Joker doing the same. He had curled up next to me on the hospital bed, snoring softly.

At that moment, I didn't even know what to think. I was a mom now. What? Yeah. A mom. It didn't really feel any different right at that specific minute in time, but obviously I knew my life was going to change. I think that's like pregnancy 101, knowing that you're carrying a life inside of you and that life could potentially change the world. I think that was what I was most excited for; that my daughter might be able to do something extraordinary with her life. Who knew really? I had to just hope that things were going to turn out a little better for her than for me; yes, I was with someone I loved but the sheer trauma I had to experience to get there…I would never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. Ok, I may or may not wish it on Selina and Bruce…oh right, them. Also, Pam. I needed to call Pam.

I sat there for a moment, trying to remember her number, and after I couldn't retrieve it from my short-term memory, I got up gingerly from the bed – trying not to disturb my boyfriend - and walked over to my purse which the Joker had placed on one of the chairs in the room. I pulled it out, scrolling through for Pam's number. I called and waited for an answer.

I realized then that I had no idea what time it was in the United States; after Pam answered a groggy, "Hello?" I came to the conclusion that it was in the middle of the night there.

"Hey, Pam!" I said cheerfully.

"You better have a goddamn excellent reason for waking me up. I'm still drunk." She groaned.

"Um, well, if you count having a baby as a reason…"

"YOU WHAT?!" I had to pull the phone away from my ear as she screamed, "YOU HAD THE BABY?! What the fuck? Why didn't you call me earlier?"

"It was sort of sudden, you know. It only took me like 4 hours in total to deliver." I said.

"You're so lucky!" she gushed, "So…?"

"So what?"

"Um, hello, are you fucking brain damaged? What about the baby?!"

"Oh, right, duh. I had a girl and I-"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she squealed into the phone and once again I had to put the phone aside until she was done having a meltdown, "A little girl? I'm so EXCITED."

"I can see that." I said wryly, "Do you even want to know what I named her?"

"Yes, yes, I do. I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out."

"I named her Olivia Maria."

"Oooooh weeeeee that's so cute!" she was going to break the sound barrier if she kept going like this, "I can't believe it, Harley! You're a mom!"

"Yeah, I'm still coming to terms with that." I admitted, "Mr. J was so excited, if you can imagine."

"I'll bet," she laughed, "Oh my god, Harley! I can't wait till you can fly back here and I can meet her! I'm sure she's absolutely beautiful." She then started weeping.

Why the hell was everyone crying but me?

"Pamela…" I rolled my eyes, "Calm down."

"Are you that callous that you can't even cry about having your own baby?" Pam inquired.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I said, aggravated, "Honestly, I think I'm just really tired and relieved that this whole thing is over. I'm happy, though, I really am."

"Everyone reacts differently." Pam said, "You're right about that. You just need time to process this, I think."

"I am so tired." I moaned, "That was the worst. I think I would really prefer to never go through that pain again."

"I bet." She commiserated, "S – you know who I mean – she was totally worn out afterward, too. You need to just rest and enjoy the time you have alone before you have a baby 24/7."

"That's for damn sure." I agreed, "Well, I think we both need to sleep. I'll call you soon."

"Ok, congratulations hon!"

"Thank you." I said, and we hung up.

I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling completely drained. I looked over at Mr. J, who was still sleeping peacefully. I envied his ability to just fall asleep anywhere and ignore the world around him. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. I knew that when I woke up, it was going to be a new day, and even more so, a new life for us.


	4. You're My Sweetheart

**A/N: Wow, I realized how long it's been since I posted. I apologize. I've been knee deep in work for the past 2 months and therefore use my free time to run errands or sleep. Not much else can get accomplished. But please enjoy! I'll try to keep working to get at least one more chapter up before the summer ends.**

Chapter 4: You're My Sweetheart

_So show me family (ho)_

_All the blood that I would bleed (hey)_

_I don't know where I belong (ho)_

_I don't know where I went wrong (hey)_

_But I can write a song_

_I belong with you, you belong with me_

_You're my sweetheart_

"_Ho Hey", The Lumineers _

…and believe me, that thought fucking sucked. I suppose I should feel something. I don't even know why I didn't feel anything at all…I mean, besides the wearing off of the epidural. I didn't understand what made me this way, to be so callous about my feelings. I think that it just stems from my inability to trust anyone, which is all psychoanalytical bull-crap but yeah, I have a Ph.D in psychology so whatever I'm the authority bitches. Obviously I have issues because the only man I could ever commit to dressed up like a clown for a living. It speaks volumes about my personality. Live the fucking dream.

I see him lying next to me and still have the feelings I always do, the ones of love and joy and calm that I only experienced when I was with him. But, like adding a baby to the mix? I was skeptical of that. I didn't know how to deal with that fact yet and I wasn't going to until I had to, as mature as that sounds. Sometimes I felt like I was watching myself from outside of myself. It sounds ridiculous and so existential, but so true. I wondered what had happened to me, what had happened to that carefree girl who thought she'd just marry her first boyfriend, pop out a couple of kids and bam bam ka-cham, life would be perfect.

Well, I was wrong. And stupidly, I never dealt with that fact. I never dealt properly with the loss of my first real love. I was so angry at the time and so hurt, and I held a grudge against any other living thing with a penis on the planet. I mean, they all suck though, truly. The Joker is the only one that doesn't suck and doesn't make me want to lose faith in the human race. But, really, should I be happy with that assessment? I don't know. Maybe the drugs were affecting me harder than I thought. Maybe once they put her in my arms, I'd feel something, like something real that I can't put into words, like everyone says they do. It always feel weird to not be like everyone else, to not experience what they experience and feel like you're the outcast that doesn't understand. Like a fucking robot. That's how I felt, like a robot.

My whole life I just wanted someone to truly love me, and now I had him. I had always thought a child would factor into that somehow, and now it has, and I didn't know what to do with that knowledge. I just felt numb. I didn't want to feel numb. I didn't want to feel so utterly cut off from the world, from my own human emotions.

It was like 4:30 in the morning and I couldn't sleep to save my life. I knew I probably shouldn't have been getting up and walking around but I felt so unbelievably restless. I got out of the bed, stretching my sore legs. The Joker was passed out and barely even stirred when I stood up. I wandered out into the hallway; it was like a ghost town. Hospitals were extremely eerie in the early hours of the morning, let me just tell you in advance so that you never do this yourself. I felt like a weird ghost walking around, peering curiously around the corners. I was trying to avoid any doctors and nurses so that they didn't make me go back to bed.

I found the glass room where they kept the newborns; there weren't that many, only about 20. Maybe late August wasn't a popular time to be having babies or something. I peered through the window, looking for my own child. I saw her; she was peacefully asleep, just like her dad. I fervently hoped that that peacefulness continued. We didn't need two neurotic women in the house.

I stared at her for I don't even know how long. It could have been like 5 minutes or an hour, but all I know is that a doctor had rounded the corner and was tapping me on the shoulder. I jumped, startled, and turned to face him, feeling very embarrassed.

"Worried about your baby, signora?" he asked, smiling.

"No…" I said, glancing inside, "I just couldn't sleep, I guess. I just wanted to look at her again. I think I'm a little in disbelief right now."

"It is normal." He said in somewhat stilted English. I was able to understand him but he struggled over a few words, "Many women feel…how you say…different after they have a baby. Sometimes it is not a good thing, but you will feel better soon."

"Yes, I think I will." I said softly, "I should probably back to my room, right?"

"I think I can let you stay here for a few more minutes." He winked conspiratorially, "I will not tell anyone."

"Thank you." I said, "But I think I will go back to my room. I'm a little tired."

"I understand. I will escort you back to your room."

"I appreciate that, thank you." I let him walk me back, and he opened the door for me.

He looked inside, "Your husband?"

I couldn't help but smile, "Yes, my husband."

"Who is your doctor?"

"Dr. Ferretti," I replied.

"I will let him know you're doing well."

"That would be great. I'm going to get back into bed."

"Sleep well, signora." He closed the door behind him.

The Joker finally made a grunting, startled sort of sound when I got back into bed with him, "Where were you, babe?"

"Bathroom." I lied.

"It took you that long?"

"Excuse me, sir, but was your vagina torn in half yesterday? No, no, it was not. I think you should watch your fucking mouth."

He hugged me drowsily, and said, "Why are you so perfect?"

"It's taken me a while to get there but somehow I've made it." I wasn't even sure what kind of emotion I had in my voice in that moment. There might have been an itsy bitsy bit of truth in it, but I wasn't going to own up to it. I'll let him keep thinking it's sarcasm because that's just standard fare when you live with me.

I was met with a loud nasal snoring sound, and figured he fell asleep again. I'm glad watching my childbirth had made him so tired and by that I mean motherfucker seriously? You are more tired than the woman who gave birth? Really?!

I just had to let it go at that moment, and I settled in for a few more hours of sleep.

I woke up again around 8:30 AM because Dr. Ferretti and a nurse were chatting animatedly in Italian in the hallway. I was too tired and too monolingual to know what they were saying, so I just sat up and stretched my arms, groaning as my bones cracked in their usual fashion. I'm so god damn old it's not even funny.

Dr. Ferretti saw me rise into supine position, so he walked in, "Good morning! I am here to check your vitals. Is that alright?"

"Yes, that's fine." I consented, and smacked my fake husband awake, "Seriously babe? You need to wake up!"

"I'm up, I'm good!" he finally sat up, shaking his head, "You could have picked a nicer way to do that, but I'll just not argue with you for now."

"That's a very smart choice." I agreed, and pushed him toward the edge of the bed, "They need to make sure I'm ok, so go sit down or get yourself a coffee."

"I'll wait until they're done, then I'll go."

I rolled my eyes as Dr. Ferretti checked my blood pressure, "Fine. Be a loser and wait."

"How old are you again? 13?"

"Last time I checked." I was just full of snark and I hadn't even been awake 5 minutes. This was just that kind of day.

The doctor examined my breasts which fucking HURT by the way, my that-which-gave-life area, and also checked my heartbeat and lungs, and deemed me fit to go home that afternoon, which made me feel very relieved and at the same time absolutely scared out of my mind. I had to bring my baby home. Weird, dude.

I asked, "How is Olivia doing?"

"She's doing just fine. Everything is normal. She slept mostly through the night, and I'm sure she felt more peaceful because I heard her mother visited her." He winked.

Damn, I'd been ratted out. This is why I don't trust people.

The Joker raised an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged nonchalantly, "I went to check on her in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep."

Somehow he translated this as me caring a lot or something, because he came over to me and kissed me deeply, "I knew you would change your mind about this."

"Eh, get off me, you nerd." I said defensively, and he did what I told him to do, simultaneously obnoxiously beaming at me.

"Well, I need to check on other patients, but please page me if you need anything." Dr. Ferretti said, sticking out his hand.

I shook it, "Thank you, doctor. You did an excellent job."

"Ah, don't worry about it. It's what I want to do." He smiled, and he and the nurse scuttled out of the room to check on other new mothers in the ward.

I looked over at Mr. J, who was being a stupid dork and grinning at me.

"Will you stop?" I snapped.

"I know you're just getting snippy because you showed emotion and you want people to think you're tough. I get you, Harley. I see through it."

"Doesn't mean it isn't annoying." I grimaced, "I just want to go home."

"Yeah, this isn't the most comfortable place." He sat on the edge of my bed, "How are you feeling right now?"

"Tired, but fine, honestly. I want to sleep in my own bed and watch excessive amounts of TV. That's all I want."

"I want to just kiss you all the time."

"Ew, please stop. I'm going to throw up on you."

"You've threatened to do that a lot, so I'm assuming one day it's going to happen, and I will be sorry when it does." He said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, yes, you certainly will, mister. I threaten for a reason." I nodded sagely, "Also we bought a lot of shit for that baby and it needs to go to good use."

"I have the distinct feeling we've gender switched sometime in the last 24 hours. Is this like Freaky Friday?" the Joker looked around, "Am I going to see Lindsay Lohan anywhere?"

I had to laugh at that, the first time I'd really laughed in like months, "Ok, I have to give you credit for your pop culture knowledge."

…

The Joker and I did indeed go home that afternoon, baby Olivia in tow. She was all swathed in her pink swag that we bought her. Don't worry; my child is going to one stylish lady. The Joker was all aggravatingly cute in that he wanted to constantly make sure she was alright and keep touching her, which I don't Olivia liked very much because she started crinkling her nose and shaking her head at him. I think I knew right then that that had to be my daughter, and I felt my heart swell a little with pride. It's a weird, weird thing to bring a child into your life. The weirdest feeling of all is when the cab drops you off and you go into your house with this baby and you're like…now what?

"Now what?" I asked.

He stared at me, "We live our lives with a baby in it."

"It's that simple, huh?" I looked down at her. She was sleeping pretty peacefully.

"I guess. I mean, we've got everything we need right now and we'll just have to wing it as we move along."

"Oh yeah, that sounds like excellent parenting. We'll just wing it? Are you fucking stupid?"

"Babe!" he hissed, "Why are you swearing in front of the baby?"

"She does not understand a single thing I'm saying. Right now I'm just a milk machine." I rolled my eyes, "If you're going to do this whole obsessive parent thing, I'm out, bro."

In response to that, he merely stared dead-pan at me, "Go take a nap. You're getting cranky."

"Eh, fuck you." I said and kissed him, but trudged up the stairs.

I fell asleep for a good couple of hours, and mostly I woke up because I could smell the Joker making garlic bread, one of my favorite things he made. He was actually a somewhat decent cook, considering he had had to live on his own for a long time. I walked down, bleary-eyed, into the kitchen.

He laughed as soon as he saw me, "I knew the smell would get you down here."

"What can I say? I am a fatty at heart." I shrugged, "Or, a fatty in body now."

"You'll be fine. You already look a million times hotter now that you're a mother, specifically the mother of my child." He kissed me swiftly, and put the plate down in front of me, "But for now, stuff your face."

"You are godly." I said, and then proceeded to do so, "Where's Olivia?"

"In the living room, sleeping. I think she must get that from you. I gave her a bottle while you were napping." He said.

"Oh, good, that's good." I nodded, feeling like this moment was a little surreal. It kinda felt like we were babysitting right now, but that child came out of me. Weird shit, I'll tell you. I had decided not to breast-feed because absolutely not I will do that ever in my life, so we got some formula from our doctor in Italy to start her out.

"Yeah, she's doing great so far."

"Dude, it's been 2 hours. We have this thing for the rest of our lives."

"She is not a thing." He said, sitting down across from me, "She is our daughter."

"Ew, it just sounds so weird when you say it like that." I shuddered, "Like, it just feels…strange that I have a child. I don't know why."

"It's going to be an adjustment, you know that."

"Yeah, I do." I fell silent as we finished eating.

"So…" I looked up because the Joker had decided to break the silence.

"Yes?"

"When do we get to…have sex again?" he asked.

"Welp, you win the award for non-sequitur of the year." I declared.

"No, I'm asking a serious question, I promise." He insisted.

"I think like a month, a month and a half, something like that." I said, shrugging, "I have to be all healed or whatever. I don't even want to know what I look like down there."

"I'm sure you're fine."

"You are not in this body. You have not seen the havoc this has wreaked on my body."

"You look beautiful."

"Don't even lie." I shook my head, "Well, I'm done with dinner, so I think I'll just relax and watch some TV and keep an eye on her."

"That's a good idea. I'll do the dishes." He said, standing up.

I walked into the living room and she was all just sleeping in there, in her little pink blanket with flowers on it. I held her for a moment, very cautiously, and settled back into the couch to watch some Italian news. While my boyfriend did the dishes.

WHO THE HELL ARE WE.


	5. Which Life was Mine

**A/N: Well, here's another chapter. It may infuriate you because it brings back some old business but I was writing and thinking that I needed to give closure to the situation. I promise that this will be the last time it will happen, but a writer's job is to create friction because happiness is so very boring. You didn't really think that things were going to be good forever, right? Til next time, Kelztastic.**

Chapter 5: Which Life Was Mine

_Once upon another time_

_Before I knew which life was mine_

_Before I left the child behind me_

_I saw myself in summer nights_

_Stars lit up like candle light_

_I make my wish but mostly I believed_

"_Once Upon Another Time", Sara Bareilles _

We were getting settled in this routine, this weird sort of life cycle that never changed and it was fucking stifling as all get out, let me tell you. I am not going to say that I totally hated the situation because Olivia was absolutely the greatest thing that could ever happen to a selfish bitch like me. She made me actually want to try being a mother and having maternal instincts, you know? It was weird. I would look down at her precious little face and be like, 'wow I made this in my body'. I had a hard time imagining that for a while.

I never wanted anything to work out so badly than this. Sometimes I sat back and thought about how far we had really come in this relationship and how we had changed so much. Sometimes, it thrilled me. Sometimes, it scared me to death. I think it's hard to let go of the person that you used to be, that you were accustomed to being and then you have to accept this role of becoming someone else, being an adult person with responsibility and now for me, the responsibility of another human life. I am not good with pressure; needless to say that's why I was having these nagging thoughts. Mr. J was as happy as a goddamn clam, though. He loved being a father. I think that stemmed from the fact that his father was a complete and utter ass-hole who beat the crap out of his mom. He wanted to become better than that. This is obviously my Ph.D in psychology talking but I think he was trying to make up for some abandonment issues that his father had bestowed upon him.

I never talked to him about these issues, really; I mean, the sheer fact that I didn't even know his real name didn't seem to bother me. Like, Jesus, I don't even know the father of my child's real fucking name. Is that not weird? Am I not the weirdest person on this planet for that? Yeah, that's me. The girl who lives with a murderer and is happy about it. I feel like I should know the psychological term for this condition off the top of my head but I didn't. I hadn't used that knowledge in a long time and that saddened me immensely.

The Joker was sitting in the kitchen with Olivia when I came down the stairs, eating his breakfast. He was dressed in his running outfit; a beat-up old NYU sweatshirt of mine (yeah he was that skinny to fit into my college clothes) and burgundy-red running shorts. Olivia was happily munching on her baby food and being all cute.

I kissed both of them.

"Good morning." I greeted them, opening the cabinet doors to get out some cereal.

"Morning," He said through his oatmeal.

"Classy as ever, babe." I remarked swiftly, pouring my cereal into a bowl and getting out the milk from the fridge.

I saw him put up his middle finger out of my peripherals, and I just shook my head. At least we weren't turning into that gross lovey-dovey couple who only talks about how much they "wuv" each other and kiss all the time. I mean, honestly, I'd rather have my eyeballs sucked out with a vacuum cleaner.

I sat down at the table, grabbing Olivia's bowl because she was about to knock it off the tray on her high chair.

"You have that whole mother thing down." He smiled.

"I guess I should start out right." I shrugged, and then we both ate silently for a few minutes. When I had finished my cereal, I put my arms on the table in a decisive manner, "Jay?"

"Yes?"

"I…I have a question, er…kind of a thing I want to do and I want your opinion on it." I wasn't really sure how to phrase it.

"What's that?"

"I want to go back to work." I said with some authority.

"Work, as in…being…?" he looked a little lost.

"A psychologist? You know, that useless Ph.D I have from the university on the sweatshirt you're wearing? Did you forget how we met?"

"I would never forget." He said sincerely.

"Then, you know how important my work was – is to me. I really want to use my degree for something. I feel like just sitting here is turning my brain to mush. I want to do something."

"I understand, but how will we work that out with Olivia?"

"Ok, so since when do you have anything to do? You have no job and we have unlimited money. When you want to do things, hire a sitter. It's going to be fine. I don't want her to completely attach to us to the point that she can't deal with being away from us. I don't plan on having any more children, so it's not going to be a problem."

"Was I going to be involved in that decision?" he didn't seem mad, just amused by the idea of it.

"You got one," I said pointing to our daughter, "and that's all you're going to get, bud. I –" I covered Olivia's ears, "I didn't even totally want this one but you chose to tamper with my pills. There will be no more of that."

"I know, I know." He said dismissively.

"You say that but you don't convince me." I said, and looked pointedly at our child, "I don't want another one of these."

"You don't believe I won't do it again?" he asked innocently.

I merely gave him a dead-pan look and said, "We are never having sex again."

He got up and hugged me, "You say that but you don't convince me."

"The comedic irony is stunning."

"Babe, if you really want to go out and get a job, you should try. We can figure it out later. We will be fine. I have plenty of money stashed away, but it would be nice to having some incoming money if you want to do this."

I kissed him softly, "You are so supportive. Thank you."

"No problem at all. Want to go for a walk with Olivia?"

"Yeah, that would be great. When I come back I'll research some jobs." I said, beaming.

I couldn't fully believe that he was alright with the idea, but I did understand that he was really trying to be supportive of me and my choices. I didn't exactly want to come out and tell him I was being stifled by this whole domestic existence thing, so this was the next best solution. Seeing Olivia every day was a blessing, but at the same time, it reminded me of the fact that I could never be that single girl again, with no responsibility and no ties to anything. I had a child to take care of, and I wasn't going to take that for granted or anything, but it was still just a disturbing thought. Being a mother was a very conflicting process; I still felt pretty guilty that I wasn't taking to it as well as other people, but that was maybe my perfectionism talking. I just had to keep telling myself that it was going to get better.

…

After a couple weeks of fruitless job hunting and searching, I finally came upon a counseling job at a local institute in Venice; a place that specialized in family and child counseling for people going through divorce or traumatic family problems. I thought it sounded pretty interesting but I didn't have a ton of experience with the family and child psychology area. I did get a first interview and I was pretty excited about it. I flitted about the house fretting about my clothes; I picked a black and white structured dress and curled my hair in an attempt to tame its frizz and I was stumbling around in 2-inch black heels when the Joker stopped me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"You're making me dizzy with all that movement. Relax. You look fine. You're going to do fine. If you don't get it, no pressure. You can find something else."

"I know, I know," I said quickly, "I just need to find my purse."

"It's on the hall table just like it always is."

I ran to the hall, grabbing it, "Ok, I'm going to go now. I know it's early but I need to walk off this nervous energy."

I opened the door, hearing the Joker say, "Good luck!" as I closed it behind me, and then I walked away into the morning, the only sound being the click-clack of my heels against the cobblestones on our street. I slowed down, inhaling and exhaling and trying to calm myself down. I hadn't been on an interview in like 3 years; the last one was for Arkham. Yikes. That turned out well. It's not like Venice could really call Arkham and ask them what happened since my name was faked. That had been the most difficult part of this; I didn't have any of my real job records or school records because I wasn't technically 'Harleen Quinzel' anymore.

Yeah, that was a pretty strong metaphor right there. Soak it in.

Thankfully this job was for people who had, quote en quote some experience in psychology or counseling services, and I had. It wasn't to be a psychologist; it was mostly just to help out the families and talk them through things, be on the phone with people, blah blah blah. I kept walking, trying to breathe and enjoy the view. I did live in this beautiful city, and it did make me very happy. I was invigorated by the places and the people and the lifestyle, but I sometimes felt the sudden pangs of homesickness once in a while. I had booked my flight to Omaha to see my sister and I was going to leave in about a week and a half to help her with some of the wedding planning. I felt really bad that I couldn't be there for all of it, but she merely told me that it was ok and that I had better come armed with lots of pictures of Olivia to show her, which I planned to do.

Having my sister back in my life plus having a healthy relationship with Mr. J made everything so much easier for me emotionally. After getting back in contact with my sister, my dreams and visions of her had disappeared, those manifestations of my guilty conscience about betraying her to an enemy, but sometimes the death of my parents hit me harder than I expected it would. I think it hit me hardest when I thought about the fact that they would never know Olivia, that they would never get to see her grow up and play with her and spoil her. It was something that I didn't often think about because it brought me way too much pain and plus it was something that still lingered in between me and him, that unspoken tension about him, you know, murdering my fiancé and burning down the church I was getting married in. Yeah, I bet you didn't remember that at this point, either, but my life is a long, complicated story.

It felt a little surreal, thinking about the idea that I was a normal person these days; I had lived the past couple of years as a fugitive (and really, I still am) and it felt odd to just be settled and be a normal, real person again. I don't know if my body just hadn't gotten over the constant stress that came with being a criminal. I sort of missed that old, crappy apartment, and going to the warehouse and joking around with the henchmen, and running up and down fire escapes…actually wait no I don't miss that at all. But I did miss being with Pam, being alone, being my own person. Now I'm "Mrs." Quinn. Ugh. Ew.

Maybe I've just realized that I am a person who can never be fully happy with what she has. It was not a comforting thought.

I made it to the interview a good 15 minutes ahead of time, and went into the bathroom to freshen up my makeup and put on some extra perfume and deodorant. I didn't want to look like I had run there; that wasn't exactly professional.

I did the interview and I think it went pretty well; they asked me a lot of questions that I was prepared to answer, like my background with psychology and counseling, my knowledge about psychological theory, and I answered with confidence. I had told them that I went to community college in the United States and had studied some psychology because they weren't going to call and check up on that. The woman in charge, a no-nonsense, well-dressed sort of person named Giorgia, shook my hand firmly and told me they would give me a call soon, and I felt good about that. Even if I didn't get it, I was happy to just have the experience.

I decided to treat myself to some lunch, and went to this local café that was like 3 blocks from our house and ordered myself an individual flatbread pizza. I was digging into my pizza when I heard my name, "Harley?" I looked up and saw Bruce Wayne standing there.

Son of a bitch.

I put on a forced smile, and put my napkin on the table, "Hi, Bruce, how are you?"

"Good, good," he said, apparently just deciding to invite himself to sit down. Great, I was in for a long conversation.

"You look great." He commented, "How old is Olivia now?"

"A month and a half." I replied, "She's been a very good baby so far, honestly, can't complain. Do you want to see a picture?" I didn't really let him answer, I just anxiously started fumbling through my purse for the small album of pictures I always carried with me of her.

I handed him the album, "I wish I had more."

He flipped through it, "She definitely looks like you. You've got the same blue eyes, the curls."

"Yeah, but she has his face shape, for sure. I think she's a little more angular than heart-shaped, like mine, and she totally has his nose, thank God."

"There's nothing wrong with your nose." He automatically said, and it kind of reminded fleetingly of when we were dating and he would make comments like that. But, only briefly did I think of that, ok?

He handed it back to me, "You look very happy. I wasn't expecting that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you just seem really happy about everything and the last time we talked, you just seemed kind of negative toward the baby situation." He shrugged, "I am glad that you're happy, don't get me wrong, I just know you and your neuroses."

"Did you come and sit down to catch up with me or tell me everything that's wrong with my life?" I asked bluntly.

"Harley…"

"No, seriously, I am not going to put up with this shit from you. I was having a good morning and then you come along and take a nice dump all over it, like you always do. Just say what you need to say and go home." I said irritably.

"I don't want to ruin your day."

"Too late."

"I just…I don't know what to do and I saw you walking into this café and I had to talk to you." He rambled and stumbled over his words. I was puzzled. He never acted like this.

"Ok, what's wrong?" I had to bite at the bait he was dangling in front of me. Leave it to me and my sense of _schadenfreude_ to rule my life, especially at the expense of an ex.

"Selina left yesterday."

"What?" I felt hollow, "Why?"

"Don't read too much into it. She went back home to talk to Pam." He made a sour face, "She said she needed to 'work things out' with her because she never felt any sense of closure. She wanted to make sure Pam was doing alright."

"Pam is doing just fine. In fact, she's happy. You and Selina are the same fucking person; you like to come along and ruin people's lives. That's why you belong together." I snapped.

"And you're jumping to conclusions." Bruce added sharply, "Pam is not completely ok. She's not going to be unless Selina addresses the problem."

"You don't think that that could get complicated? That it could have consequences on your relationship?"

"Of course I do!" he exclaimed, "It's all I've been thinking about since she got on the plane two days ago! What if she doesn't come back, Harley? What if she just up and leaves me like she did Pam?"

"I don't think it's going to go that far…" I really didn't. I was just trying to get him to see the other side of things; that Pam might get more hurt in all of this and get left behind like debris after an explosion, which this totally was. I was more concerned for my best friend than their relationship.

"Well, see, here's the thing. She's going to ask her for a divorce. She had to stop in New York to get the paperwork and now she has to have Pam sign it."

"Oh that's nice and fucking painful." I narrowed my eyes, "Let's just stick a knife in Pam's heart and twist a little more. That'll help."

"Harley, we don't have a choice. If Selina and I want to get married –"

"Is that a joke?" I cut him off at the knees, "Married? She's barely getting divorced and you're already thinking about marrying her?"

"What do you care?"

I gaped open-mouthed like a fish for a moment, "I don't care, Bruce. I less than care about anything that has to do with you. Pam is my main concern always. She's my best friend on this earth. She saved me. Yes, we have had our differences, but she saved me from myself. You know that better than anybody else. I don't want her to deal with this bullshit anymore. I mean, I guess I'm glad that Selina decided to take care of this, but it isn't going to make it hurt any less. Pam has moved on with her life; you know I talk to her all the time. She's doing just fine. She would tell me otherwise."

"You don't really know that."

"Yes, I do." I said firmly, "Pam is fine. She may not be the happiest person in the world, but she is going to be ok. She's a strong person, but Selina brings out the worst in her. Her affection for Selina makes her weak. She needs to cut those ties and if divorce papers is what is going to do that, then fine. I just can't believe you're already thinking that you're going to marry her. Clearly this first marriage didn't exactly work out."

"Yeah, but that was pretty much my fault."

"Not really. Selina came to you. She left Pam herself. How do you know she won't leave you?"

"I don't know that, but I have to trust her." He said helplessly, "I am the father of her child."

"I don't think that would exactly stop her. She'll just leave you with the child and disappear like she always does. She doesn't seem like the type of person who would commit."

"You're just being judgmental because you hate her."

"Hate is a strong word. Yes, I really don't like her, but I don't hate her." I corrected him.

"All evidence to the contrary." He raised his eyebrow skeptically.

"You know what? I don't need to get into an argument with you about this. You put this on me, buddy. You are putting me in a bad position here. First of all, I hate dealing with you. Second, I don't have time for this anymore. I have more important things to worry about at the moment." I said, standing up, "I need to go home and see my family and hopefully forget that I saw you."

He grabbed my wrist, "Don't walk away from me yet. I need you to help me through this."

"You don't need me!" I said, thrashing my arm until he let go, "Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you that you have to keep running back to me to solve your problems? It wasn't even 7 months ago now that you tried to kill my boyfriend!"

"Keep your voice down." He hissed.

"No, because you know what? I've had it! I don't know why you rely on me to be your emotional support! I'm not your fucking girlfriend! I was your girlfriend and obviously that didn't work out, did it?"

"You made that decision." He said scathingly.

"Yeah, and you know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE A PSYCHO. I was going to get trapped into a loveless marriage with a life I didn't want! I didn't love you and that's why I left you at that goddamn altar years ago. Get over it. Seriously. I can't take this anymore. You somehow follow me to Italy after I try to get away from that life, and then you somehow just track me down in a café and want to whine to me about your relationship problems? Seriously, STOP. I told you I was done with you and you keep finding reasons to come into contact with me. Why the hell is that? I would really like to know." I stood there, arms folded across my chest.

"I can't talk about this here." He said quietly.

"If you can't talk about it here, you will not talk about it anywhere because you will never see me again. I will walk away, out of your life forever. You will not find me again, Bruce, and that's a promise."

"Harleen, can you sit?" he looked up at me with the most imploring eyes I'd ever seen, so I hesitantly slithered back into my seat.

"Talk." I demanded curtly.

"Look, I don't know how to explain this, but…you were a big part of my life. I really thought we had something special. I caught on that you were still hung up on the Joker, so against my better judgment, I asked you to marry me. I wanted to lock you down. I wanted you to stay with me and I thought asking you to marry me would be the best way to do that. Obviously, it wasn't. I cheated on you because I wasn't happy with myself then. I wasn't happy with the decision I had made to give you a ring, something that I only ever imagined doing once in my life. You understand what I've been through. You've lost your parents at the hands of a madman."

I had to cringe a little at that.

He went on, "You understood me on a deeper level than even Selina, even though I love her, ever has. Selina was there, she was beautiful, mysterious, dark. Everything you weren't. I thought maybe if I went for her, then maybe it would make up for what I lost with you. Selina and I had always engaged in this innocent mild flirtation, her being Catwoman and me being Batman."

"Yeah, I know." I could feel my blood start to boil. I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I was and I couldn't stop it now.

"I suppose you would. When I was with you, I never thought about her until things started going south. I made a mistake. I don't think you're ever going to forgive me."

"No, I will not." I said steadily.

Bruce looked tired, "You know how difficult all of this is for me to say."

"I still did love you on some level, Bruce. Even if it wasn't as much as I loved J, it was still real. I can't commit, you know that. You know me better than that. Throwing a ring into the mix was the absolute worst thing you could have done to me. Take a person who is afraid of commitment and throw commitment right in their face. Smart. He and I work well as a couple because he doesn't expect that out of me. He lets me do things at my own pace. You wanted to get married, have kids, the whole deal and I felt smothered. I panicked." I admitted.

I was at peace with that situation for sure and I could tell it showed in my voice. I was over it. I hadn't thought about it much since me and Mr. J got together for certain and for the long haul. I never wanted to go back to Bruce Wayne. I never thought about it really until now.

"I wish you could have told me why."

"I wish you would have been honest with me, too. You didn't give me a chance to explain myself and you never explained yourself and your actions to me. I find out that you cheated through someone else; that hurt more than anything. You could have dialed my fucking phone number and told me yourself, but no, you just sat on your guilty like a coward and thought I would let it die. Yeah, I know I betrayed you too. We both fucked up. We both made mistakes. I think we should just leave it at that, Bruce. I don't want to think about this anymore than I really have to. I'm happy now. You should be happy. You have everything you ever wanted."

"Selina isn't you." He said matter-of-factly.

"And my man isn't you." I retorted, "And I'm perfectly fine with that."

"You don't even know his real name. How is that something you can live with? You know absolutely nothing about him and he's the father of your child. Don't you sit back and think about that, think about the implications of that? What will you do when your child grows up, asks questions about who you are? What are you going to say, 'oh Mommy and Daddy were criminals so now we have fake identities and hide out in another country in order to avoid imprisonment for life'?" Bruce inquired.

I felt super uncomfortable, "We haven't discussed that. That's not your business anyway. We will raise our child the way we want to. I refuse to defend my parenting methods, however limited they may be. I don't see you and Selina exactly agreeing on what to tell Edward as he gets older."

"And I reserve the right to not talk about that, either."

"Ok." I said, "Can I go now? I'm done with this conversation. I need to get home; he's going to start getting concerned because I said I'd be back by now."

"What were you doing before you came here?" he asked.

"Going on a job interview. I want to work again." I answered shortly.

"He's going to allow you to do that?" he seemed surprised.

"It's not 1955; women can work, you know."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Then what way did you mean it?" I was getting impatient and anxious. This conversation was so not what I had planned in my agenda today.

"I mean, he doesn't want you to help him take care of Olivia?"

"He doesn't mind if working makes me feel fulfilled. Being a mother is wonderful but I need something else to do. Is that a fucking crime?" I was starting to sound petulant, like a whining teenager getting in a fruitless argument with her parents.

"I don't want to make you upset."

"Again, too late." I stared him down, "Now, look, did you say everything you need to say? Because I know I'm done talking. I've been done talking. I want to go home and be with my boyfriend and my child. I don't want to be here with you anymore."

"Yes, I'm done." He appeared relieved, and at the same time, kind of defeated.

Honestly, I didn't give a fuck at the moment.

"Alright. I'll see you never." I said, getting up, "Please leave. I need to pay."

"Let me at least pay for your lunch." He offered, fumbling for his wallet.

"No. Get up, walk out of this restaurant, and don't talk to me. That's how you can pay me back for this lovely detour in my day." I snapped, "I'm going to wait until you leave."

"Ok, ok." He said, standing up, "I'm going to go, then."

"Thank you."

He started to make some weird gesture like he was going to hug me, but I stiffened. He saw my body language change, so he put his arms down, "Goodbye, Harley."

"Bye-bye." I waved/shooed him away with my hands.

Once he had walked ever so painfully slowly out of the café, I paid my bill and left. What started out as a good day turned to absolute shit. He had that effect on me. He was such a dick, specifically seeking me out just to rehash old stupid things about our past. It made me irrationally angry that he would do that. I know he was probably hurting, thinking about Selina and what she was doing with Pam, and wondering if she was going to leave him. He did have that certain penchant for driving women away from him. At this point I just wanted to go home and try to forget this had happened.

Of course, these things have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass.


End file.
